Where were you when…
There are always days that stand out in history but less so that stand out in the collective consciousness of a culture or a generation. For my generation, it seems the question of, “Where were you when the space shuttle blew up?” is one that every seems to already have the answer to. For my parents, it was always, “Where were you when JFK was shot?”. Most recently it is the question of, “Where were you on 9/11?” Still I wonder if it is the tragedy of the day or the fact that so many people were effected by the moment. I’ve been reading alot about the 20 year anniversary of the fall of the Berlin Wall. Just yesterday a friend of mine was visiting in town who is German and grew up in Germany during the days of the Berlin Wall. I just so happened to remember this event when I saw him and asked where he was on November 9, 1989? Not surprisingly, he was able to rattle off exactly where he was (Hamburg) and what he was doing (thinking of driving to Berlin) when he heard the news. I guess that the funny thing is that I really can’t remember where I was and what I was doing when I heard about the fall of the Berlin wall. I remember Ronald Reagan saying, “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!!” a few years earlier and I do have some hazy recollections of seeing the news that the iron curtain had fallen. But it just doesn’t fit into my generations collective consciousness. And it is this fact that makes me think. Am I so wrapped up in my own culture that I don’t respond to earth-shaking events in history unless they have some personal component that I would attach myself to? Why is it that there are things going on that are changing our lives, times, history, culture, governments, economies, etc. that I’m not getting in tune with? I wonder what is holding me back? What is holding you back?
proud of my little blogger…
if it was completely true, “like father/mother like daughter” i would imagine that my eldest gets her blogging skills from the feminine side of the family. you really need to check out her writing and remember that she is only 10 and already has that cheeky-monkey writing style. http://maddiekennell.blogspot.com
this place makes me think…
i find it rather interesting that while living in such an exotic locale such is Togo, West Africa, there are some days when seeing mud huts, women with bowls on their heads, naked children running and playing, and old men sitting under mango trees just does not inspire me. it sounds rather cold and negative but it really doesn’t seem to jump out at me when i see something that someone else would call “exotic”. i’m a firm believer in Africa and would gladly jump on the bandwagon which claims that the dawn of the new era is the era of Africa. even here in Togo, i like to state the mantra, “i believe in Togo” much to the cynical displeasure of others who visit/work here. regardless of what i believe, i still am not rendered awe inspired by the things that i have experienced. i’ve had close encounters with elephants and cape buffloes, snakes and scorpions, riotous crowds and extreme poverty, yet i am not overwhelmed nor brought to my knees. i do believe in Africa, but not in a fad-like, get on the bandwagon type of belief. i believe that many people like to stand up for the cause of Africa since it is relatively popular. i constantly hear about large corporations, singers, actors, politicians and other noteworthys who promote their committment to the continent but seem to be unwilling to go the distance. i hear alot about Rwanda and the tradgedy of the genocide and how so many governments, politicians, actors, singers, writers, clergy, missionaries, etc are all ready to jump on the bandwagon yet forget that as they focus attention on one place in Africa, they neglect another.
i’m not trying to say that one place is not so much more important than another but it seems that there is quite an imbalance in how we pay attention to the problems that plague Africa. i happen to live in a place that does not get much press nor international attention, only when something goes wrong. sometimes i think that i should just let it go. maybe it is just easier for people to go to places like Rwanda, South Africa, Kenya, Uganda… places where they can speak English and just enjoy their visit. either way, i’m happy to be where i am. maybe the reason that not much inspires me here is because i feel like this is where i belong.
Back in between the digital divide…
All the talk about everyone getting their TV switched over to digital makes me think about technology here in Africa. Recently, I’ve joined Facebook and Twitter. I enjoy it and like sharing the little bits of information about my life to the cyber-community. Most recently, I figured out that I can update my Twitter status via my Togo cell phone and then it can also update my status on Facebook. Honestly, what, in the realm of technology, cannot be done now? Yet, each day I see people drinking dirty water. When will technology join us in this kind of struggle?
finally something that makes sense to me…
i read (and am continuing to read) this article from the NYT about the need people have to work with their hands. you can read it here. being here in Africa and surrounded by people who work with their hands daily, it took an article that i’ve read on the internet to remind me of the value that i gain from the simple tasks that i do. from drilling wells (and getting really muddy) to small gardening stuff (cheers to you Matt) that i get to do, i’m thankful for the things i have the opportunity to do. yesterday, i sat for a while with an older man who was cutting branches off of a palm tree (that was about 10 feet from where he was sitting) stripping them down and then weaving a basket. his only tool was a rather dull knife. it is things like this (and the story from the Times) that i envy. even as an artist, i do work with my hands and am thankful for having a space where i can work. i’m encouraged by others who have such distinct, tangible goals for the products that they produce. like the guy weaving the basket, sometimes i just want to learn basket-weaving.
no title will fit…
today was a good day for the first few hours, then it went sour. i really must say that there is a feeling that people have that i’ve not always appreciated nor understood until today. there are many people in the world that have no recourse when someone in a more powerful position exerts their power over them. some people feel trapped and ultimately just give in and allow the more powerful to push and manipulate them. they are truly clay in the potters hands, but not a loving potter but a sadistic, power-crazed potter. it is really sad to see this here in africa and it is even worse when you experience it for yourself. today, i had to submit myself to someone who wished to use their power over me and force me to give into their will. i willingly did so, but also because i knew that if i fought against it, i would lose and possibly bring difficulty to my family. it is truly a feeling of Christ when they were accusing me of all kinds of wrongs while all i could do was to let them have their way. it is a disgusting feeling knowing that if they were willing to do this to me, then how much more willing are they to do it to others who are more helpless and defenseless than i am.
when we think about africa and i consider all the difficulties that africans face, i have seen the ugly face of power today. here, it seems, that some people use power only for their own means. they use it to control and manipulate but not to elevate others. they see themselves as the one who is all powerful and gives out pittance to those who will always be beneath them. it is sad to see this and i wonder how anyone could fight against this. what does give me hope is this, and it is rather simple. those who have discipled themselves to Christ have given up on all claims of power that they might ever espouse to. they have surrendered and will allow Christ alone to have power over them and they are forever forbidden to seek power over others.
this is a hard teaching that i can see that Jesus spoke out against. it is hard since power blinds you and does not let go easily. i pray for these people who have used their power against us. i pray that God himself will show them his power and authority and that he will crush them in order to release those who are held captive (including me). i see david praying like this against his enemies. i pray that God will vindicate me against my enemies and will allow my honor to be restored. God has allowed me to be poor in spirit. i pray that he will rise up and protect us from these people.
a new commitment…
i’m really trying to get some things straight. i just read this morning a NY times article by Bono and it really struck a chord with me. i think that all of this goes along with some current difficulties that i’m facing in this phase of life. i have a hard time focusing and concentrating (think getting older), i get tired easily and things just seem a little bit more confusing each day. however, i really don’t mind this happening. i feel more lost now than ever, but it seems more comforting than ever before. i don’t get so agitated by others and their opinions, i feel like just focusing more and more on the unknown that lies before me. i don’t feel the need to explain what i mean by that, but just knowing that it is out there, i want to more toward it.
i will say this… whatever it is that i feel the need to move toward, i struggle with how i need to get there. i think that this is why the NY times article struck a chord. i think that i would much rather spend time around others who are searching rather than trying to convince myself that i may or may not have it all figured out. i believe that when i’m searching, it just feels more comforting than when i’m trying to get it all nailed down. i just feel that searching is more comforting than staying put.
well, all of this sounds rather personal, but it doesn’t matter. any more, i think that what i need to do is to focus on my own search and enjoy the others that i seem to bump into on the road. i guess that i’m soul searching for good reason. i’m running out of time and there is so much to be interested in.
also, i feel trapped by the color brown… post a comment if you know what i mean.
Today is a day….
After a whirlwind trip to Accra to pick up some visitors, I found myself rather tired and sleepy last night. There were many questions and ideas on my mind last night but I was just unable to pull any thing in and focus on just one thing. Obviously, this is a rather normal phenomenon when someone is really tired, but I’ve been noticing that I seem to be loosing the ability to focus on things and really pay attention. No, I am not talking about Adult Attention Deficit Disorder… I think that I’m just getting old.
I’ve been talking to Nicole and my friends for some time now about something that I’ve noticed in our family. It came to me when we were in Lome about a month ago. We sat down to eat at our favorite Chinese Restaurant, Chinatown and I suddenly realized that this was the first time in 6 years that our family has been to our favorite restaurant. Seeing our family there yet all grown up led me to realize that Nicole and I are at the halfway point of raising our kids.
With Maddie being 10 and Michal being 8, if we figure they are out of the house when they are 18 then we are 10 years into raising our family and we only have 10 years left. All of this is to say that we are half way done and it means that Nicole and I are 10 years away from an empty nest. It seems rather odd to think about this and to realize that our kids are exponentially getting older as they grow to the point of independence.
So, this means that within a short span of time, we will be empty nesters. We feel good about this, knowing that we have raised our kids to be independent minded and thinking for themselves. It also means that when Michal is out of the house, I’ll only be 46.
What can a 46 year old do?
Moving Right Along…
I will say this, I’ve been steadily focusing on more and more ideas for paintings and how to go about finishing some of the canvases that have been lying around for years. One of the most difficult things for me is finding out how to go from a painting that is mostly “half-way” to getting into the details. I read recently somewhere that the ability to pay attention to details around you is a component of a person’s overall ability to understand their environment. For myself, as someone who is finally settling into a home after traveling for an entire year, this is a challenge in that I’m not very mentally strong right now and it seems that the details are more elusive than ever. Yet, some times things just pop into my consciousness and allow me a particular insight into how to accomplish something. Just today, I realized the manner that I need to proceed with in order to finish my next painting. All of this could be just some silly self-affirmation but I’m at least glad that I’ve got this little bit to carry me on.
Blogging Standing Up…
Tonight a small case of insomnia is a good thing. I find myself out in my studio focusing on what the heck to do with this one painting that I’ve been working on. It’s a good idea, but there are some parts that just do not add up and I’m at a loss already of what to do with them. However, since our wireless (yes, we have wireless internet here in Togo) reaches all the way out to my studio, I find that it is easy to take a break from the painting to at least put something out there on my blog. However, my studio is set up for mostly standing, so I must also blog standing up. And I find that it seems to be easier to do. They say that standing while you paint is better for you. It must be true of blogging too.
Just think of me standing at the computer minus the cat plus lots of unfinished paintings.
